Meandering down the promenade alone, peering at the grassy greens I go by and seeking desperately for the haven of Life. I do not know how I attained this distance, but I cling to the hope that I will find my way. Nothing familiar has entered my view; my ears have yet to encounter familiar sounds, and my heart, defiantly, opposes my hope and whispers to me that I am still hopelessly far. I have been traveling for such a long time without a clear picture of my ultimate destination that I am frightened, exposed, and vulnerable. I cringe at the thought of taking a step, yet I am horrified at the prospect of not moving. The mechanics of sight still attend me, for my eyes search to and fro, but I can perceive nothing because my mind is disconsolately absent and lost. These eyes are useless when my mind is blind.
I move forward in fear, and even if only through the learned repetition, I begin to talk with the Lord. "Lord, I cannot feel, but I know you are near me, Your Hands stretched out to help me." But how can you help me, this lost sojourner seeing but blind? I am gripped with unimaginable terror. I know you, but I also need to feel you. To feel your loving and warm embrace.
In a moment of epiphany, with a temporarily resuscitated mind, I come to recognize that I cannot fight this war in fear. My paralysis is the result of my despair, and the end of it will be no different from the beginning.
But I sink again to the absence of mind. I suddenly notice again that in all my wandering; I am very alone. I question my movements, my motives, my past, my decisions. Should I keep going? Will the haven of Life be worth it upon my arrival? Can I make a U-turn and change my course forever?
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